It’s been a slow New Year for my running. It seems like every time I get a new start - everything goes wrong. The weather, my health, and life in general seem to conspire against me. Of course, making excuses is always my worst enemy. The weather started to trend warmer this week and I’m hoping to finish the month strong.

It’s too late to do the mini-marathon I had been dreaming of last fall, but for me winning will be moving forward.

One of the best and worst things about running is that it only happens today. I can’t get in my run for yesterday and I can’t knock off tomorrow’s jog either. Running is now – if nothing at all.

This is a great motivator for someone like me. I’ve been a hit and miss runner for the last fifteen years. The last few years I’ve gotten worse. The last few weeks I’ve completely fallen off. I’ve given up, slept in late, and chosen to lose.

None of that matters when I step out the door. My failures can’t keep up as long as I keep taking the next step. I can still outrun yesterday. Running forces me to exist, to choose who I will be.

So, tonight I ran two awkward starting-over-kind of miles. My lungs were raspy and my rhythm was hard to find. It was anything but a beautiful run, but I was free from my lousy not-running-days from January.

With running, everyday is about starting over. Tomorrow is another day, to win or to fail. I can’t help that tonight, but I like fresh starts.

January was a killer - cold weather, poor health, zero degree motivation, and climbing weight. Thinks are looking down, but all is not lost. Spring is not far away and I’m doing a better job regulating what I eat.

It’s still amazing that I can drop a few pounds just by eating different, when it takes many miles to burn the same amount of fat.

I have been missing my runs. I’ve read over some of my jogging posts here and it gives me determination to get going again. I just need to get over my flu first!

A few weeks off haven’t been all that bad, especially when the weather has been so severe.  Stay tuned…

This week has been bad. I’ve jogged a mile here and there, but nothing like last month. Getting to bed early enough for a 5 AM run has been nearly impossible. Eating right has been a struggle.

I guess the real hang up is motivation. I’m not sure if I really care about losing weight or becoming healthy. The last few weeks it’s been in the “good idea” category, but something I don’t have to do.

This is probably where most people live. Change is too hard, so they give up. That is what I’m feeling this morning.

I’ve made a good start on giving up. I’ve lost the desire to make a better life through running and self-control. Having this website forces me to think about it, otherwise I might have been just forgotten.

Maybe that is enough to keep me going.

I wasn’t planning to run this morning since I have to be at work at 7:30.

I was going to sleep a little late and then hit the roads this afternoon. But my youngest son woke up around 5 AM. After I got him back to sleep, I was fully awake.

It was a beautiful morning. The air was a moist 50° F. As I ran down the country lane, I could smell the winter earth sleeping. The plowed fields were breathing in the dark. The winter sky made this run feel like a beautiful dream that ended too soon.

3 miles later I’m back home before my alarm was originally set to wake me up. I usually feel great when I get my early morning run and today is no exception. I’m glad for this accidental run.

I jogged this morning for the first time in several days. A combination of very cold weather and a mysterious twisted ankle offered me ample excuses. The truth is I’ve lost my motivation. I guess this is typical of new runners – go strong for a few weeks and then just move on with your life. I think, “At least I’m not gaining weight.”

I don’t want to give up.

I don’t want to be a failure at running.

Over the last several years I’ve started running about twice a year. Usually I hang in for about a month, drop ten pounds and then forget why I’m running.

Thinking over these running failures, I see a few common elements. Some people can run every other day – not me. I’m like a couch-a-holic, one slip and I’m full blown addicted to inactivity. So, every day I have to run (or walk), even if it’s only a mile, even if it’s nasty weather.

Hitting the streets today is the only goal that works. This morning I met my goal.

I think what I’ve missed most over the Christmas holidays is my running routine. I’ve written before about the power of having no other option than to get up and run. All the extra freedom of the holidays has really sapped that strength.

I was able to get in 2 miles yesterday morning before a family day trip to see relatives in Northern Indiana. This morning I had to hit it early because I’m going to see the Colts game tonight and need to nap this afternoon.

The sore ankle and back have completely healed and overall running 2 miles is much easier than even a few weeks back. I think the consistency and occasional longer run has really been building a base for me.

My first copy of Runner’s World magazine arrived last week. I’ve only read a couple of articles but the pictures alone are very motivating. Of course, the skinny girl on the cover looks like an entirely different kind of human than I’ve ever known. In a good way!

I guess I knew it would happen. My little ankle pain was acting up so I’ve decided to rest a few days. Last night I went out and walked two miles, so today I should be back to running.

It has been nice to have a break, but I feel like I’m loosing ground. I need to be more careful about going berzerker on my long runs.

My mother-in-law bought me a gift card to the local specialty running shoe store. So expect exciting news sometime this weekend.

Tonight was supposed to be a light recovery run. After yesterday’s long running effort, I wanted to take it easy. So, I waited until 10 PM and headed out for a moonlight run. It was a beautiful night and nearly as bright as day.

My legs wanted to run, but after a mile, I needed to stop back at my house for the bathroom. I started again, planning to round off a second mile and turn it in. Then something strange happened. I took the turn out of the subdivision and headed out for my long route.

The last few minutes were hard, but it worked out to be a 4-mile run. I felt lighter and stronger. My feet had their own rhythm.

It was a desperate effort + Led Zeppelin Mothership + perfect 60° F + beautiful sky + feeling as if something needed to go right. The result was 6 miles of running, 1 mile of walking and a lot of thinking.

Fighting with my wife and spending all day alone makes me reflective. I know that I’m a selfish person, but today I learned a little about how stupid I’ve been. I think I’ve been living for different dreams for the past 10 years. The tragedy is my present life is the best life I can imagine.

So, I want to think more about living in the present, rather than looking forward (or backward) to some grand accomplishment. I want a new goal: to value what I have more than what I don’t, to love my wife and kids more than the wind I’ve been chasing.

I just hope I can follow through.